♫ JUST TO BE CLEAR I DID NOT WRITE THAT SONG AND HAVE NEVER HAD SEX WITH A CHILD JUST TO BE CLEAR MOST MEN FIND ME TO BE AN 8 OR 9 OUT OF 10 AND I AM AVAILABLE TO ANY INTERESTED MEN WHO’D LIKE TO GET MY NUMBER AFTER THE SHOW ♫
Had such an amazing response to the Christmas card suggestions post. So many good requests that I’ve decided to do two. Here’s the first, I’ll reveal the second tomorrow. If all goes to plan these will be available early next week and the winners will get theirs sent to them shortly after.
In my struggle to get through the daily episode of Postman Pat each morning I have resorted to imagining dark plots in which bad things happen to Pat.
1. Pat goes on an EDL march in Pencaster, drinks too much skol super and gets arrested for swearing at a police officer.
2. Pat unwittingly makes a delivery of a large amount of heroin for the local triad gang, fucks it up as usual, mixing the package up with one going to Mrs Goggins, who swiftly hands the drugs to the police. The triads punish Pat by cutting off his nose.
3. Pat is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and decides to begin cooking up crystal meth in the back of his van (has that one been done already?)
I would be truly honoured if you would depict one of these scenes for me.